Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My bed smells like the plague
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
