I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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