So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
