I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
