all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
