how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
