I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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