How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
