Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
