While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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