you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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