pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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