Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
