she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
