guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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