Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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