As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
