needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
