I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
