This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
