dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
