we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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