Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
