Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize