Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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