he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
