I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I am mentally ready for anal.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
