I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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