So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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