Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
