I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
