my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
