We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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