I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize