so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
