It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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