he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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