i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
