I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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