I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
