I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize