ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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