I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize