Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
