Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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