HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
