Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
