clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
