The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
