in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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