How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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