just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
