Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I will pee on everything he values.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
