turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
