Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
