Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
