3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
