The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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