i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
