Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
