Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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