what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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