I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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