I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize