There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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