blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
