What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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