Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
