Dual....:-)
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize