I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
