Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
