I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
