I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
