The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
