He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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