Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
