My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
