Pants 0. Shit 1.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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