It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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