i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
