i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
