I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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