I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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