I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
