So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
only if we run a train.
done.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Mom said you looked used
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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