I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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