Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
