Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
