So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
