she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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