I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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