i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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