So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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