We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
