you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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