fuck your aforementioned shoe
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
