Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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