**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
