His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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